The reversal

When I was a little kid, I couldn't wait to grow up. Wasn't it the same for you? The adults looked so cool and intimidating. I wanted to drive, to date to earn money.... I wanted to help people...

Then... I grew up. Of course it didn't happen overnight but sometimes it feels as if it did. The time sometimes seem to pass so fast. Its only when you grow up that your thoughts differ and you'd give anything to have your youth back because you realize life can be beautiful and.... Life is so short.

A Holiday Recap

So that's it... the holiday's done and over! How fast is that? Einstein was right time is relative the holidays just simply flew by and I don't really know how!

Truth be told the holiday was not as great as I hoped but in all honesty I did have a good time a really good one the one major disappointment is that it didn't add a lot of zest or boost the relationship all that much. It helped that's for sure it WAS good for the relationship its just that I wished it was MUCH BETTER :>

Waking up today was kinda weird and really sad. Alone in the house and well I could go out but I really don't feel like it with the mountain of work awaiting me tomorrow now that I am back on Singapore shores I just can't throw thosr far back enough for me to enjoy myself but one thing I am trying to do is CARPE DIEM! CJCians 'd be proud. Its not gonna be easy though!

Rape in Singapore

I've always thought that Singapore was relatively safe.. I mean sure there are burglaries and snatch thefts etc but these aren't that bad and it seems that they are under control as well but in recent years.. there have been some shocking news stories and this one is definitely one of them

http://www.straitstimes.com/BreakingNews/Singapore/Story/STIStory_455723.html

http://thecourtroom.stomp.com.sg/stomp/courtroom/case_of_the_day/282308/rape_trial_youths_wanted_to_get_17yearold_girl_drunk.html

Did it break your heart just reading that? I can't imagine how the poor girl must have felt...Of course the girl lay still she must have been shell shocked...

What about the picture of one of the accused? Does he look arrogant to you? I've always thought that Singapore courts tend to mete out stiff sentences and I am not an advocate of the death penalty but in this case, if they are found to be guilty, I am definitely in favour of stiff sentences. I'd say hit the max jail and caning...
sighz... Such a disgrace

Rock

Its been an absolutely tumultous week. I am still reeling and dealing with certain very sad events that happened in my life recently so my mood's persistently had a tinge of funk.

Stress at work's constant but recently increased AGAIN thanks to some XXXXX from upstairs that's actually of lower rank, family's recovering as well so there's definitely stress and subconciously/conciously that stress has been passed to J maybe due to my hot temper. J finally lost it.

So as it stands three main sources of stress. I really think the word stress should never have been invented...

If only I could hide somewhere and let the tears fall freely. I've always prided myself on being sensitive but my tears don't fall freely. I may be the weakest link in my family but its a tough family so much as I have that thought, the tears won't come. I have been trained too well to let them fall. So I'll hold it inside and act tough like I always do. Somehow I'll get through it alone.... I always do. I am a rock and how many rocks have you seen cry? :>

Insight

I had a very beautiful insight to myself recently. I realize I have many acquaintances but very few friends. I now realize I made it that way myself.
I don't open myself to others that often or that easily. I am afraid of getting hurt. When you lay yourself bare, you are opening yourself up for hurt and sorrow.
What I now realize also is that if you don't you'll never be able to forge a true
relationship so I think maybe I'll start changing a little of myself. One baby step at a time... :> Maybe...

Thanks to all my dear friends whether we meet often or not you're all important to
me!

Naive...

Yesterday... walking around buying food, looking at vcds while waiting for food... the pain started to permeate again. I didn't shed tears this time but the heavy feeling was inescapable. Its okay though.. the sadness shouldn't disappear so
quickly. I think we are all stable now or at least most of the time.

Next Days

In the past two days thanks to each we managed to laugh and smile... Hope we can all stay strong in the next few trying days. We can survive..

I miss you....

Sea

Right now there are like a million emotions flowing through me, seeking an escape route but finding none.. Many of these thoughts are conflicting...I cannot imagine what my Mum, aunts and cousin are feeling right now...

I regret... I regret not being there so many times that I could... I am also thankful.. thankful that I had the chance to meet my wonderful uncle and that he took the time to take care of me and shower me with love especially when I was young. Like many others, I truly believe he is in a better place, one more befitting him than this often cold world... I just hope some day...

Both men... a world of difference though

I never did think I was mentally strong but I always believed that real men don't easily cry so I seldom did.

Yesterday.. for the first time that I remember tears fell from my eyes. Today I cried even more but I don't feel ashamed. Not at all

Sad

This has been a terrible week....

Cherish all the good things that you have that are immeasurable...
the happiness, joy, friendship the fresh air... Life's short..

I dreamed a dream

I woke up this morning feeling happy but with a heavy burden of melancholy. I had a great night's sleep (which is quite rare thanks to a hectic schedule)so it had nothing to do with that.



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I felt that way because I dreamt of true love. True love didn't have a face that I recognized but I could feel soaring happiness in holding her hand, the shyness and elation from the physical contact of hugging and snuggling. Intelligent conversation that flowed freely between two somewhat share individuals with serious depth of thought. While true love didn't have a concrete face, she was "ang mo".

True love means different things to many people and may even change over time as thought matures and perception change. For me though I guess it has never changed. True love to me has a beautiful face (not necessarily a slim and svelte body). True love is about witty intelligent conversations that know no end, punctuated with genuine laughter. Its about the feeling of elation, warmth and shyness from pure physical contact and proximity. True love is about all of these things and more. Above all, true love is romance and sweetness rolled into one, an everlasting rainbow that guides you one day at a time.

So while I find many "ah lians" pretty, their behaviour means its highly unlikely that I will find true love there. So no, true love has a physical element but it is not the only nor most important element. So why do I feel melancholy? Because I realize I yearn for true love, that is my own version of true love but have yet to truly experience it. I have had snippets of it but never been in a relationship that encompasses it all. People can get married and live in relative contentment and happiness without ever having realized true love. For a few of us though, we are blessed with such and honor. I will continue to hope for such an honor and for those of you who have, cherish it and hold it tightly to your heart.

Feel free to copy all or parts of my blog posts but please remember to give credit where its due and remember that these are purely my own thoughts, your prespectives are unlikely to be the same.

Armagedon

I have never bought that theory much. When I was in the States, I have seen men with wild hair waving placards proclaiming the eminent demise of the world. I have also seen men in suits with perfectly jovial faces approach me and "counsel" me about preparing for the end of the world/plight of the world. I normally stop for a brief chat with such chaps, toss a few dollars for their cause and go on my merry way. No.. I am not an ignoramus and I am not arrogant enough to think that humans will be at the top of the food chain or maybe even in existence for eternity on this earth, I just don't think I'd live to see it.

Yet we MUST stop to think if there is something wrong with the way things are going. Lets start with the environment, wherever you are I am sure you are beginning to feel the adverse effects of climate changes. This is an important issue. The response I normally get about this topic is cussing and swearing or plain complaining. My take on this is... we've done wrong, maybe we've treated the earth wrong and its crying, its letting us know we need to make some changes. No not your neighbour you and me, starting with us before we drown ourselves. Have you seen mood swings or changes in yourselves recently? I have. I have been told several times before that I have a gentle personality and am not prone to anger. Recently though I've been having difficulty keeping a lid on my temper. Today was one of the worst days... Is it NCD(national conflict day) or something? I quarreled with friends, family and colleagues (peers, superiors and subordinates) all in one day. I am also finding it more difficult to stay disciplined and easier to succumb to temptation. Greed (I am eating lotsa unhealthy deep fried food recently), sloth (look at my room man!) or otherwise. So lets try to start with you and me if possible, spread a little concern, share a little love and lets heal this earth one step at a time. In the mean time I' ll look for ways to resolve my quarrel with J... its ironic when we quarrel I usually find myself in a pretty bad state.... Hmmm

Age of Voyeurism

This post has NO upskirts. If you have such inclinations I am afraid you shall have to go elsewhere.

So We've had the age of information technology and other such "ages" I think we are now entering (or probably have entered) the age of VOYEURISM. Why do I say so? Nosiness is not a new human trait. We have been fascinated about the celebrities and even the odd neighbour probably from centuries. Perhaps because of the large scale integration and speed of transition of information technology though, voyeurism has become more pervasive and people more perverse.

There is increasing proliferation of gossipy magazines and it is now commonplace to read news paper reports on "leaked" videos, upskirt taking and even elaborate discussions on sleeping postures in the mass rapid transit (mrt) coupled with photos. One popular website seems to have many voyeuristic photos and videos. Sometimes these do cause a stir and it may be good to bring certain issues to the forefront. While doing so though, have we stopped to ask ourselves why was the camera man there on the scene or how did he manage to get such "exciting" photos. Pure coincidence? By so many people? Maybe they are secret voyeurs yes? Miniskirts have lost some of the rage (thanks in part to the spate of upskirt incidents in the past year or so) but are still relatively common so ladies do take note of the common Singapore phrase "low crime doesn't mean no crime". The recent scandals like Edison seems to be increasing and causing more of a brouhaha. So the question is...have always been voyeuristic except without a means of professing such weird interests anonymously or has the moral fabric of society deteriorated even further?

A cautionary tale

Woke up this morning with a painful throat (just finished the second stronger course of antibiotics yesterday. argh what's wrong!) I think primarily because I ate too much unhealthy food yesterday... I thought I had recovered I guess (becoming ill disciplined). Anyway to get to the main point of this post. Since I woke up 45 minutes later than planned I had to take a taxi (thankfully it wasn't any later)

My driver was a relatively colourful character, with a big frame and equally booming voice. In his baritone voice, we discussed yesterday's Man U match and soccer betting tips. Somehow that led to the issue of gambling and his own personal trials and tribulations. I seriously think I have this potential to talk to taxi drivers (maybe thats why I have seen so many opportunities in the insurance industry.) Not to digress.

Over the long journey from the east side to the west side of Singapore, he told me his tale of gambling addiction. How he started mahjong for example, beginning with 10and 20 cents and eventually progressing 20 times bigger to 2 and 4 dollars. He elaborated on other gambling venues, his horse and soccer betting and illegal bookies and underground gambling. We had somewhat of a good talk (although I just really wanted to sleep) I think his is a tale that most of us can relate too. Thanks to my family I don't gamble much although I do a little more now that I am earning a wage. Discipline is a key character trait and it needs to instilled by the family at a young age. Gambling like sex, alcohol and drugs have two similarities. They can quickly become addictive and have the ability to cause a lot of harm in a short time. Although I have doubts about him being a millionaire before a little, I do believe he was once quite rich (millionaire if you add his house that kind probably). One thing is true though you CAN gamble away millions. So with the advent IR opening, do take care ladies and gentlemen and don't fall prey to addiction