Next Days

In the past two days thanks to each we managed to laugh and smile... Hope we can all stay strong in the next few trying days. We can survive..

I miss you....

Sea

Right now there are like a million emotions flowing through me, seeking an escape route but finding none.. Many of these thoughts are conflicting...I cannot imagine what my Mum, aunts and cousin are feeling right now...

I regret... I regret not being there so many times that I could... I am also thankful.. thankful that I had the chance to meet my wonderful uncle and that he took the time to take care of me and shower me with love especially when I was young. Like many others, I truly believe he is in a better place, one more befitting him than this often cold world... I just hope some day...

Both men... a world of difference though

I never did think I was mentally strong but I always believed that real men don't easily cry so I seldom did.

Yesterday.. for the first time that I remember tears fell from my eyes. Today I cried even more but I don't feel ashamed. Not at all

Sad

This has been a terrible week....

Cherish all the good things that you have that are immeasurable...
the happiness, joy, friendship the fresh air... Life's short..

I dreamed a dream

I woke up this morning feeling happy but with a heavy burden of melancholy. I had a great night's sleep (which is quite rare thanks to a hectic schedule)so it had nothing to do with that.



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I felt that way because I dreamt of true love. True love didn't have a face that I recognized but I could feel soaring happiness in holding her hand, the shyness and elation from the physical contact of hugging and snuggling. Intelligent conversation that flowed freely between two somewhat share individuals with serious depth of thought. While true love didn't have a concrete face, she was "ang mo".

True love means different things to many people and may even change over time as thought matures and perception change. For me though I guess it has never changed. True love to me has a beautiful face (not necessarily a slim and svelte body). True love is about witty intelligent conversations that know no end, punctuated with genuine laughter. Its about the feeling of elation, warmth and shyness from pure physical contact and proximity. True love is about all of these things and more. Above all, true love is romance and sweetness rolled into one, an everlasting rainbow that guides you one day at a time.

So while I find many "ah lians" pretty, their behaviour means its highly unlikely that I will find true love there. So no, true love has a physical element but it is not the only nor most important element. So why do I feel melancholy? Because I realize I yearn for true love, that is my own version of true love but have yet to truly experience it. I have had snippets of it but never been in a relationship that encompasses it all. People can get married and live in relative contentment and happiness without ever having realized true love. For a few of us though, we are blessed with such and honor. I will continue to hope for such an honor and for those of you who have, cherish it and hold it tightly to your heart.

Feel free to copy all or parts of my blog posts but please remember to give credit where its due and remember that these are purely my own thoughts, your prespectives are unlikely to be the same.

Armagedon

I have never bought that theory much. When I was in the States, I have seen men with wild hair waving placards proclaiming the eminent demise of the world. I have also seen men in suits with perfectly jovial faces approach me and "counsel" me about preparing for the end of the world/plight of the world. I normally stop for a brief chat with such chaps, toss a few dollars for their cause and go on my merry way. No.. I am not an ignoramus and I am not arrogant enough to think that humans will be at the top of the food chain or maybe even in existence for eternity on this earth, I just don't think I'd live to see it.

Yet we MUST stop to think if there is something wrong with the way things are going. Lets start with the environment, wherever you are I am sure you are beginning to feel the adverse effects of climate changes. This is an important issue. The response I normally get about this topic is cussing and swearing or plain complaining. My take on this is... we've done wrong, maybe we've treated the earth wrong and its crying, its letting us know we need to make some changes. No not your neighbour you and me, starting with us before we drown ourselves. Have you seen mood swings or changes in yourselves recently? I have. I have been told several times before that I have a gentle personality and am not prone to anger. Recently though I've been having difficulty keeping a lid on my temper. Today was one of the worst days... Is it NCD(national conflict day) or something? I quarreled with friends, family and colleagues (peers, superiors and subordinates) all in one day. I am also finding it more difficult to stay disciplined and easier to succumb to temptation. Greed (I am eating lotsa unhealthy deep fried food recently), sloth (look at my room man!) or otherwise. So lets try to start with you and me if possible, spread a little concern, share a little love and lets heal this earth one step at a time. In the mean time I' ll look for ways to resolve my quarrel with J... its ironic when we quarrel I usually find myself in a pretty bad state.... Hmmm